My phone rings.
“Is this the guy that writes the sports?”
“I don’t write sports, but I write the outdoor column that sometimes appears in the Sports Section,” I say.
“That’s what I mean,” the caller says. “Anyway, I know a guy who knows a guy who saw a tractor trailer full of coyotes come in from Texas and the DNR let them loose at Rocky Gap State Park.”
“What’s the guy’s name?” I ask. “The guy who saw the truck and the coyotes.”
“I don’t know,” the caller says.
“What’s the guy’s name who knows him?”
“Bob.”
“Bob who?”
“I don’t know his last name.”
“How can I get ahold of him to find out the guy’s name who saw the truck and the coyotes?”
“I don’t know that either.”
“What’s your name?”
“Click.”
----
Ring.
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has a video of a coyote den where the coyotes brought 14 fawns back for the pups to eat.”
“Did you see the video?”
“No. But this guy I know did.”
“How can I see the video?”
“I don’t know.”
----
“I know a guy who knows a guy who shot a coyote with an ear tag that had the name of an insurance company on it.”
“Where can I see the tag?”
“I don’t know.”
----
“I know a guy who has a friend who saw a DNR helicopter drop rattlesnakes in little blue parachutes.”
“Do you have any of the parachutes or know where I can see one?”
“No.”
----
“I know a guy who has proof that the DNR transplanted bears into Maryland.”
----
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has proof that the DNR brought the blue tongue disease into (Maryland, West Virginia, Pennsylvania) to knock the deer herd down.”
----
“I know a guy who knows a guy who has a cousin who has pictures of the DNR releasing mountain lions on the Savage River State Forest.”
----
“I know a guy who can prove that the DNR makes up the deer kill numbers. You know hunters aren’t killing that many deer.”
“Which DNR? Maryland or West Virginia?”
“Yeah.”
----
Show me the video. Show me the ear tag. Show me the pictures. Show me the parachutes. Show me the proof. Show me the money.
Otherwise, please don’t call (301) 784-2523 with any more of these stories.
I know a guy who knows a guy who doesn’t want to hear them any more.
Contact Outdoor Editor Mike Sawyers at msawyers@times-news.com.
Michael A Sawyers - Outdoors
Show me the money
- Michael A Sawyers - Outdoors
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They have their ways
“Brrrrrrrt! Brrrrrrrt!” my phone vibrates in my shirt pocket. Sometimes when that happens I think that I just burped.“Hello?” -
Md. hunt rules being formed
The Maryland Wildlife & Heritage Service, currently in the early stages of setting hunting regulations for the next two years, envisions no changes to the deer bag limits in Region A (Garrett, Allegany and western Washington counties).On the other hand, substantial changes are being eyeballed for Region B, which is all of Maryland from Clear Spring eastward to the Atlantic Ocean. -
Officers allowed to enter
Is it legal for Maryland Natural Resources Police officers to walk onto your private land?
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Wapiti survey begins
What’s up with this elk stuff anyway?
I’m speaking, of course, about the news announced this past August that some folks are going to look around Garrett and Allegany counties to see if it would be feasible to reintroduce Rocky Mountain elk. Elk used to live here, you know. -
Jury still out on Marcellus shale drilling
Mother Earth, having been around as long as she has, should be given the right to choose elective surgery when needed rather than have exploratory surgery forced upon her.
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Gobblers hunted on Sundays; sun still rises
See. It wasn’t the end of the world.
Well, wait a minute. I better check before I speak too quickly.
Getting on the Internet, hmmmm, hmm! Yahoo now. Hmmmm! Nope, nothing there. Checking Bing. OK. Now MSN. -
2011 was a very (insert adjective) year
As January started, grumbling could be heard on both sides of the North Branch of the Potomac River.
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Progress in eye of beholder
Folks in the state-run hunting and fishing industry are always looking for ways to attract new license buyers.
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W.Va. buck kill up
I have always thought that the wildlife biologists for the West Virginia Division of Natural Resources were brave. Each year, about the middle of November, they predict the buck kill for the upcoming firearms season.
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And then there were...
I want to start this column by assuring you that I don’t begrudge anybody a buck that is taken by legal means.
- More Michael A Sawyers - Outdoors Headlines
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