That man holding his breath is David Stern

Mike Burke

Kobe and LeBron; LeBron and Kobe. Depending on your allegiances, that’s all we’ve been hearing for the past two months since the NBA playoffs got under way.

And let’s get one thing clear. This isn’t a The NBA Playoffs Are Too Long diatribe since I happen to enjoy the NBA playoffs very much.

To those who claim basketball season is too long, that it should end in early March the way it used to back in the day, I can only say that back in the day there were also laces on the ball, the baskets were made of wood, and they needed a ladder to get the ball back on the rare occasion somebody actually scored.

Give that one up. Basketball is, plain and simple, a year-round game now, and it is for the simplest of reasons: David Stern’s masterful and powerful global marketing skills aside, basketball is one of the few games that can be played year-round, by as few as two people — or one if you like to fly solo. Basketball season is not too long; it’s year-long, and that seems to be fine by most of the people on this earth.

Ask 1.5 billion Chinese if you don’t believe me. See what Yao Ming’s homies say.

Also, to those who claim they don’t play defense in the NBA, I can only suggest they actually take the time to watch the NBA playoffs. I never claimed to be Chuck Daily, God rest his soul, but there is a reason his great Detroit Pistons teams were known as the Bad Boys (actually, I’m sure there were other reasons).

So you think it’s easy to score in an NBA game? Well then, you must also believe it’s easy to walk at a normal pace across the Capital Beltway during rush hour and not get touched.

Please.

Certainly, the pro game is a different game than the college game, but rest assured, the best defense in the world is played nightly in the NBA.

As they say at playoff time, there’s no such thing as an uncontested layup.

Now, back to Kobe and LeBron. Or LeBron and Kobe.

Since Kobe’s Lakers and LeBron’s Cavaliers secured homecourt advantage in their respective conferences, a Lakers-Cavs NBA Finals is the finals everybody’s been clamoring to see. In a sports society addicted to rivalries, it’s only natural fans would want to see the two best basketball players on the planet lead their teams against one another for all the marbles. And, despite the Cavs being down 1-0 to the Magic in their Eastern Conference final, the smart money still says that’s likely to happen. Then again, the smart money said Colts over Jets by 15 1/2, so what does smart money know?

Actually, it knows too much for our own good.

Which is why it would not surprise me to see either the Orlando Magic or Denver Nuggets gum up the whole Kobe-LeBron/LeBron-Kobe works.

I’m not really sold on either Denver or Orlando, but I smell a rat. The Nuggets proved in Game 1 of the Western Conference finals they can play knucklehead basketball down the stretch with the best of them, but the truth is, they had the Lakers dead to right in Game 1. Also, Orlando, a team nobody is picking to beat the Cavaliers, is now 3-1 this season against the Cavaliers and has won nine of the last 12 games the teams have played.

Having longstanding allegiances to the Boston Celtics, nothing would tickle me more than to see the Lakers fail, particularly Kobe Bryant, whose looks I took an instant dislike to the first moment I saw them. Also, as far as Bryant is concerned, my loyalties remain in Shaq’s camp, and I just think it would be hilarious if Bryant never wins a title “on his own,” even though I know he is eventually going to.

The Cavaliers, on the other hand, are the heavy overdog in the East, despite having a losing record to Orlando, and who doesn’t like to root against the overdog, right? Not me. Not all of the time.

See, I know not everybody in Orlando lives in a gated community, but there are enough people there, including Mickey Mouse, who do, which tends to make me believe the only cause these people believe in — civic or humanitarian — is themselves. I can’t root for Orlando.

Besides, Stan Van Gundy reminds my friends and me of an out-of-work adult film star. But I digress.

I like Cleveland. It’s a real place, filled with real sports fans who have been waiting for a championship team since 1964. Not only that, I like LeBron. I like him a lot. Guy makes a helluva commercial. Seems like he’s a nice guy. So I want to see the Cavs go all the way. And as far as that goes, I’d like to see them beat the Lakers to do it.

Everything in front of us tells us the Lakers and the Cavaliers will meet in the NBA finals. Something in the back of my head tells me they won’t.

Mike Burke is sports editor of the Cumberland Times-News. Contact Mike Burke at mburke@times-news.com.