Maude McDaniel, Columnist
Actually, I wonder why a lot. This isn’t my first column on that subject, nor probably my last. Maybe it’s a little more serious than some — at my age you start getting upfront, because there’s not that much time left to let it all out! But this world seems to hold an infinite number of things and people that you just — gotta wonder about, like:
Why does anyone take horoscopes seriously?. Mine for Oct. 17 said, “People will be impressed with your animal magnetism”! Here it is the end of November and I’m still waiting. Come on, folks, be impressed, please! Grrrrrrrrr!
What is it with testosterone, anyway? How is it able to trump all the common sense some men have in order to totally destroy their careers, their values, and their own and others’ happiness? Why do politicians do all the things politicians should never do if they want to remain politicians? Why don’t these poor souls notice when things are ticking out of control and about to ruin their lives — and put a sock in it?
What’s the big deal about “upgrades,” anyway? And I’m not just talking about the upgrades I’ve mentioned before, from House Hunters on TV. (That’s where folks looking to buy a perfectly good house say snippily, “Of course, that chandelier’s got to go,” or “The kitchen needs updating,” even though the countertops were new last year, and the appliances the year before.) No, in this case, I read the other day that India and Pakistan are updating their nuclear bombs, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the U.S. is doing the same thing. Seems to me if you already have workable bombs that will destroy millions of people — why do you have to “upgrade” to new bombs that will kill billions of people?
Here’s another that’s closer home. Not to bite the hand that sort of feeds me, but why is it the custom in Cumberland to wait until a year after the wedding to put the article about it in the newspaper? I have never heard of this anywhere else.
Here’s one I’ve wondered about for years: why in the world is it so great to have a good time by getting drunk? What’s so cool about enjoying yourself and then making sure you will forget all about the good time you (presumably) had? And if you’d rather not remember what you did — why do it in the first place?
And what’s the story with unsalted butter? All my past recipes from years ago just mentioned butter, which was always made with salt — and that was that. But nowadays, the classiest recipes (from Julia Child and modern TV chefs) say “unsalted.” Then they add the salt in later on. I’m sure there is a reason for this, but probably not a very important one, except to drive home how out-of-date I and my recipes are.
Why do we make folk heroes out of criminals and gangsters? This is different from our culture’s love for monsters, vampires and werewolves, which I have marveled at before. This is idolizing Bonnie and Clyde, and Jesse James, and Billy the Kid, Ma Barker, and John Dillinger, and the Godfathers, and the Sopranos and whatever criminals are big celebrities this year, on TV and in real life. Some of these folks are bloody and often quite evil.. I never could figure out the appeal, and still can’t.
And what about the folks who claim to love and respect our soldiers and veterans, but scream bloody murder about paying taxes, many of which go to help our soldiers and veterans? Not to mention the country we all claim to love so much.
Then there’s that ever-present advertisement in magazines and newspapers with the headline about the “Amish mantle” that helps lower home heating bills. That may or may not be true, but they’re appealing, and they probably deliver on their promise. What amazes me is that perfectly respectable newspapers and magazines, even the National Geographic, for heaven’s sake, have never yet proofread the ad and required the word “mantel” to be spelled correctly, at least in any publication I ever saw it in..
Why is life basically unfair? Just the other day I read an article that said peanuts are about the healthiest thing you can eat, and I gave a loud cheer. I love peanuts and here was science on my side, for a change. The I got to the end of it. Basically before quitting it managed to squeeze in the information that, for various boring reasons, you shouldn’t eat more than nine of them a day.
You gotta wonder, why is life like that?
Oh yes, and, after all these years, why have I never learned how to make decent turkey gravy?
Maude McDaniel is a Cumberland freelance writer. Her column appears on alternate Sundays in the Times-News.
