Cumberland Times-News

Jim Goldsworthy - Anything and Everything

October 8, 2009

To sleep, perchance to throw pillow grenades

People throughout the ages have made and lost fortunes and changed their lives and the lives of others by interpreting dreams — most notably Joseph, who in the book of Genesis dealt with his own and those of the Pharaoh.

They offer a variety of conclusions as to their meaning or lack thereof.

Some say we are merely re-living what happened to us the day before, or dealing with a situation we’re aware of only in our subconscious minds. Others contend that the dreaming mind is like a dog that has escaped from the house and is roaming around sniffing at things and exploring whatever he finds.

I don’t usually remember my dreams, or at least not their details. Usually, I just wake up, mutter, “What in the hell was that about?” then remind myself that I am, in fact, crazy, and roll over and go back to sleep.

During what began as a friendly romantic relationship and ended up as an adversary romantic relationship (unless you’ve had one yourself, there’s no explaining this concept to you), I dreamed that I was a soldier in a foxhole, throwing hand grenades.

When I woke up, both of my pillows were on the other side of the room. It didn’t take much to figure that one out.

I frequently dream about bowling or playing golf — or at least trying to. In the bowling dreams, there might be a row of sawhorses between me and the foul line, and in the golf dreams I’m standing with one foot in the tee box, and the other on top of a rock.

The golf dreams usually end when I come to a pond or a stream and find it filled with golf balls that other golfers have left there, and I start fishing them out. This makes no sense, because I have more golf balls than I’ll ever use, and I don’t even carry a ball retriever.

Snow is a regular feature of my dreams. I’m in my car, and I don’t get stuck in it or slide into a ditch because of it. I’m just driving through it. The most likely explanation is that I need to wake up and put on a blanket.

Another recurring dream had me in a hotel or some other building — once, it was Rosenbaum’s old department store — walking down an endless, winding set of stairs. Never have I reached the bottom.

One night, I got halfway down one flight before I stopped and said to myself, “I’m not doing this again,” then turned and walked back up. I’ve not had that dream again, apparently having settled some long-standing issue that I may never even know I had.

I may be chased by something I can’t see, or I may be chasing someone. Once, I was part of a resistance movement that was defending America from space aliens. I led them into an ambush that my buddies had set up, and we kicked their (whatever part of their bodies that space aliens sit on) in wonderful fashion. I woke up, told myself, “That was fun,” and went back to sleep to do it some more.

In another dream, my friends and I were crawling around on top of a cheese pizza that must have been 100 yards across, trying to to turn it into an atomic bomb.

I have no idea why it was a plain cheese pizza, without pepperoni, sausage or mushrooms, but the most likely explanation for the dream was simply the fact that I was hungry. I sometimes eat in my dreams, and I can taste the food.

For that matter, I dream in color, I can read, and my senses of hearing, smell and touch also work, and once when I saw myself in a full-length mirror, I appeared to be about 35 years old ... the age I usually seem to be when I’m dreaming, save for one exception.

On that night, I sat in a bar with Craig Haines and Jim Bosley, my two friends from Keyser High School who went alive to Vietnam, but came home in coffins. They were still young, but I had grown old.

After my father died, while I was still living in Cumberland, I dreamed of sitting on the side of my parents’ bed in their home when Dad walked in.

“What are you looking for?” he asked, and I told him it was a set of keys. “I’ll go and get it,” he said, then came back and put them down on a nightstand beside the bed. As he walked out, I asked him if I would see him again, and he replied, “I wouldn’t be surprised.”

The next time I was in that house and was doing my laundry, I had the feeling of an unseen hand turning my head sharply to one side. It was then that I saw the keys, hanging in plain sight from a hook on the side of a cabinet, in an area of the basement where I had looked for them frequently over the previous six months.

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve told that story, but once I stopped right in the middle of it, utterly dumbstruck by the sudden realization that the nightstand where my dad laid those keys was still in my apartment when I had that dream.

It wouldn’t be in my parents’ house until I moved there more than a year later and set it beside what used to be their bed — the bed in which I now sleep and dream of fabulous worlds that I can visit, but never fully comprehend.

When I did see my father again, I asked him, “How is everyone?” He got a look of surprised amusement that I’d seen before (my mother frequently inspired it), then smiled at me and nodded.

“We’re all fine,” he said, and I believed him. Dad has never told me anything that wasn’t the truth. It wasn’t the first time he’s told me something I needed to hear, and I doubt that it will be the last.

My mother, on the other hand, has always been a bit more direct than my dad.

When she has something to tell me, she doesn’t wait until I’m asleep ... but that’s a story for another time.

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Jim Goldsworthy - Anything and Everything
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