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Five big number without mother in picture
Five is a big number for me this year. Five of her birthdays have passed without her here. In a couple of weeks, I will be another year older, but it will be my 5th one without her. Just a few days after my birthday, will be my 5th Thanksgiving without her. My 5th Christmas without her will not be any easier than the first, and I will start my 5th New Year without her.
The woman I am talking about here is my mom, Becky Humphrey. She lost her battle with emphysema on June 13, 2005 at the age of 53. The holidays this time of the year seem to just pile on top of one another, and each one of them reminds me of past family traditions and memories that we shared together.
This is also my 5th Great American Smoke Out that has really meant something to me. In November 2005, I wrote an article that some of you may have read. Up until that year, she was the one who shared her thoughts with you about the effects of smoking. Little did I know how soon I would be carrying on her tradition and passing on her words?
I received wonderful thoughts from some people after they read my first article, and that meant the world to me. To this day, I carry her last story, along with my first story, in an envelope, and I make copies of them for willing readers whenever I can. Although I still can’t read her words without crying, I know it would mean the world to her that I pass them on to others.
The words I wrote back in 2005 were words of heartbreak and really not having a clue what my life would be like without her day in and day out. I was probably still in a bit of shock. So much of my world has changed since then, in both my personal life and in the world around me. One thing that has not changed is my love, respect, and admiration for her and all she deal with during her illness. I still don’t know what further into the future holds, but I can certainly share with you what it’s like now.
I think of her every single day. Not one single day has gone by that something didn’t remind me of her. Sometimes it’s something small that makes me smile, and other days it’s something huge that makes me feel like I just lost her yesterday. Most of the time, the thoughts of her are simple wishes of wanting her to be here to see things going on in our lives. The lists of important events that she has missed out on are enormous. Sometimes I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact that she’s gone, and I wonder why things ended up like they did. That’s a hard feeling to get through sometimes.
I would like to quote something that I wrote in my original story. I wrote, “As a daughter, I still need my mom’s advice, and I want to tell her things that happen in my life. I still catch myself wanting to tell her things that my kids have done stories from my job, and other everyday happenings that I always shared with her.” Still to this day, this is true. She always warned me that I’d never be too old to need my mom. Like many other things in my life, she was right.
I have one simple statement about cigarettes. I hate them. I really hate them. The number one simple fact why I hate them is because they caused me to lose my mom. Of course, I realize that she made the decision to pick up that first cigarette and to keep up the habit for several years. Even though the cigarettes had done irreversible damage, she found the strength to quit. In all honesty though, how unfair is it that even though she quit years before her death, it just wasn’t enough?
That’s why I hate them. They won despite her fight against them. She fought against everything the cigarettes did to her, every single day of the last few years of her life. She never once wanted to give up. She was amazing, and she fought the whole way. They won, and she lost. They won, and my family lost. They won, and her friends lost.
No need for me to list all the terrible side effects of them. No need for me to list the horrific ingredients they carry. There’s also no need for me to make a plea to someone to quit because I fully understand it’s a person’s right to smoke a cigarette. I know from experience that nobody can make another person quit smoking because it ultimately comes down to the smoker’s will to do it.
I am not writing this article to simply bash smokers and their cigarettes. I just want my mother’s words and hope to carry on into the future as long as it can. I want her spirit to carry on through me, and I hope that you will pass it on to someone you love.
Quitting is not easy but it is possible…..Help is available. For more information about tobacco use contact RESA VIII Tobacco Prevention Specialist Donna Kuhn at djkuhn@access.k12.wv.us.
